He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
