Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
