some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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