Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
