Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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