bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
