I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
