I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize