i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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