That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
