Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
