I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least đ
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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