I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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