Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
