I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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