separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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