i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
