that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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