Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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