i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
