Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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