Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
