i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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