don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
