I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
