Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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