I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need to align my fucking chakras
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