I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
