i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
