Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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