so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
