May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
