I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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