Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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