So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
