We won't sleep together?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
