So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
