he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
