Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
