Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
