I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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