I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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