Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
