Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Are you okay?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.

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