Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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