i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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