He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
