there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
