I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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