I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
