i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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