How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
