I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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