69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
