Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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