Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize