i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
