Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just high enough for therapy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
