i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dick has a subreddit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
