party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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