my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
