when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
