Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
