That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
