last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
