My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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