Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
