I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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