I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
