Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
