I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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